Second Thoughts
by MP36PH3S
Summary: When Jim Raynor is declared dead, Sarah Kerrigan has nothing left but revenge. She claimed she would sacrifice everything to have it. But when the time comes, can she bring herself to make that sacrifice? What if the man she loved saw what was happening to his beloved? A one-shot that I've had in mind for a while and finally decided to put into a story.


**Author's note: A quick rewrite of the prelude to "The Crucible" in ****_Heart of the Swarm._**** I always thought we should have the option of foregoing infestation (as I have done here); alas, we didn't have such an option in _HoTS_ so I have to settle for this. I also included some account of how this would affect later parts of the campaign.**

* * *

**First Spawning Pool, Zerus**

Kerrigan stood at the edge of the pool as Zurvan warned her of the sacrifice that lay ahead.

"You will have your power, and you will lose yourself. Evolve. Transform. Transcend."

She prepared to step into the pool. But something made her hesitate. Something Jim had said before he was taken...

_"I moved heaven and earth to bring you back, Sarah! I can't watch you throw that away just for revenge! I never gave up on you, Sarah! Don't you give up on us!"_

Kerrigan felt her emotions boiling inside of her at the mere recollection of the still-sensitive topic of Jim. But something inside her realized that he had a point. What would do Jim's name more justice: gaining power to avenge him, or preserving his legacy?

_"I vowed to kill Arcturus in retaliation for Jim's death. I'm going to need all the power I can get if I'm going to keep my promise to him."_

_"But what would he think? You're placing everything he's done for you for the last five years on the sacrificial altar! How can you be sure that this power won't corrupt you like before? How can you be sure Arcturus isn't spewing bullshit like he does half the time?"_ A voice spoke in the back of her mind. It sounded like...her own, but at the same time, it didn't. If this truly was a voice of reason and not some primal playing tricks on her, why hadn't she heard it sooner? Or...had it been there all along and she had simply ignored it?

Kerrigan couldn't answer any of those questions. She put her hands to her head in an attempt to quell the voice, but it only spoke louder.

_"Remember Jim's words, Sarah! He loved you and pined for you for four years! He kept his faith in you while the rest of the sector cried for your blood! Are you really going to throw away all the pain, all the love, and all the lives he dedicated to saving you?"_

Kerrigan tried to push the voice from her conciousness. The slightest doubt now could result in the power overwhelming her. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't do it. This seemed almost familiar in a way...suddenly she remembered the Queen of Blades' final moments on Char. No matter how hard the zerg monster tried, it couldn't keep Kerrigan from calling out to Jim, and despite the fact that Kerrigan knew she might kill them both if she distracted the Queen in combat, the ghost had continued to rattle the confines of her mental prison. Kerrigan remembered the euphoric joy she had felt upon being released from her mental prison and of seeing Jim with her own eyes for the first time in four years...

And now, she was facing an identical situation, but this time, she was at war with herself. Once more the conscience within her steadfastly refused to yield without being obeyed, and she found her excuses for re-infestation rapidly slipping away. Jim might be able to forgive her slaughtering Dominion soldiers or killing Protoss out of necessity, but he could never forgive her for willingly throwing away everything he had done by re-infesting herself. It would be cold-hearted rejection in all but a direct sense.

_"But, Jim's...dead...why would he care?"_

_"His death is all the more reason to honor his actions! His final gifts to you were your humanity and his unshakable conviction in you, both of which got him killed! Would you let his death, then, be for naught?"_

That settled it. Sarah took her hands off her head. She knew what to do. Without a word, she turned away from the spawning pool and commanded several Overlords to retrieve her and her escorts. She could sense her minions' puzzlement at her decision, as well as Zurvan's. But it didn't matter. There were, after all, other things to live (and die, she thought with a sad smile) for besides power.

* * *

**Kerrigan's Leviathan, 3 days later**

Despite their scorn at her human appearance, the primal pack leaders had fallen all the same. She'd even convinced one of them, who called himself Dehaka, to join the Swarm and take charge of the remaining primals. Izsha suddenly spoke in Sarah's mind as the latter stared out at the lush jungles of Zerus.

"The Terrans launched thousands of these devices at our broods on Char. Broodmother Kilysa relayed this to us. It is not a weapon..."

Sarah recognized the device. "It's a two-way communicator." Naturally, she wasn't surprised at the face that appeared as the device activated. "Arcturus."

The Terran emperor was clearly caught off-guard by Sarah's human appearance, but recovered quickly. "Did you keep that Zerg carapace off just so you two could have sex once I'm dead?" he mocked. It was a weak insult unbecoming of such an eolquent man, and they both knew it. What piqued Sarah's interest was the hidden meaning in his statement. Her eyes widened and her attention focused on Arcturus' image when she understood.

"Yes...Jim Raynor's still alive," Arcturus smirked as he continued. "...but out of your reach. So you'll keep your Swarm away from Korhal, and away from me, or he dies."

Without another word, the emperor cut the transmission. For the first time since she had been separated from Jim, Sarah smiled. She wasn't sure what she was more satisfied about: the fact that she'd just left the most eloquent man in the sector at a loss for words or the information that Jim was alive. However, her euphoria was quickly spoiled by the realization that Jim was still a Dominion prisoner.

_"I can't sense Jim out there...if he's alive, nothing in this universe will stop me from finding him. He saved me once; it's time I returned the favor."_ Sarah left the nerve center and walked to her personal chamber. She would need to focus if she was to track down the _Hyperion_.

* * *

_**Moros**_**, Atlas Station**

Jim had been held captive for weeks, living in total blackness and in a drugged stupor. The only break in his depressing routine came earlier in the day when the guards forgot to drug his rations. Soon afterwards the ship shuddered violently and he could hear sounds of fighting, as well as Arcturus' voice.

"Brave soldiers of the Dominion, this craft is under attack by the Queen of Blades. You know what to do, men."

The Queen of Blades? Had she...no, he told himself, Sarah wouldn't do that. Not that it would matter to anyone else.

The minutes ticked by and suddenly the entire deck began to shudder. The vibrations stopped, and Arcturus' voice spoke again.

"Kerrigan, I did not think you would be so foolish as to come here. And now, your actions will lead to the death of all these brave men." Jim thought again that maybe she had returned to her old self, but suddenly explosions rang throughout the ship. "They are all heroes, willing to sacrifice their lives in order to end your miserable existance. You and James Raynor can burn together."

Jim sat, stunned, as explosions continued to rock the ship. Sounds of fighting had reached his ears again, and he could hear the screech of dying Zerg. Raynor felt his heart sink. He just hoped Sarah cared enough about him to forgo re-infestation...

Suddenly the sounds of fighting stopped as the remaining Dominion soldiers surrendered. Sarah walked past them and radioed Matt to inform him of the situation, but her mind was on Jim. A nearby panel exploded and Sarah quickly ordered her Leviathan to stabilize the ship. As the tentacles buried themselves in the hull, Sarah knocked down the door in front of her and found what she was looking for in a locker: Jim's revolver, still in its holster.

Suddenly, Za'gara spoke in her mind. "My Queen, you must hurry! The Terran vessel is almost lost!" Sarah grabbed the revolver and ran towards Jim's cell.

* * *

A blast knocked Jim to the ground as the door to his cell was blown off its hinges. As he looked up, he saw the one person he was hoping to see most.

"Sarah...?"

Sarah could contain her emotions no longer. "Jim!" she leapt on him and wrapped him tightly in an embrace. Despite the fact she was almost crushing his emaciated frame, Jim returned the embrace and gave her a kiss on the cheek. The two of them said nothing more and just held the embrace for a few more seconds, then another explosion rocked the _Moros_. Sarah got to her feet and helped Jim do the same while handing the latter his revolver, muttering something about other things always ruining the moment.

"Ladies first," he motioned to the door.

"Oh please," she laughed. "Doesn't take a telepath to know you just wanted a look at my ass..."

Despite everything that had happened these past few weeks, Jim cracked a smile as the two walked out together. Even seeing a horde of zerg swarming the prison deck couldn't spoil his mood. The _Hyperion_ had already sent a dropship, and as Jim proceeded to board, Sarah followed him, much to his surprise.

"Don't you have the Swarm to look after?"

"They're not mindless robots, Jim. They can live without me for a few hours. And I already told them to leave us alone."

"Then let's make the most of that time." Jim pulled her into an embrace, and they held it until the dropship landed. Immediately, a squad of marines followed by two doctors rushed into the cabin.

"What's this?"

"Sorry sir, just a precautionary measure. Captain Horner's orders." Jim could imagine why, as many of the gauss rifles seemed to be pointed at Sarah, who nervously backed away from him with her hands raised in a placating gesture.

"Let's get you to the medbay, Commander," one of the doctors said.

"I'm fine."

"We just got you back. We're not taking any chances. We just need to run a full analysis."

"Alright, but Sarah's coming with me."

The doctor opened his mouth to reply but said nothing. However he made no move to leave the dropship cabin. After a few more seconds of the standoff, the doctor left and Jim followed him. Sarah looked at one of the marines, who nodded and she followed Jim, aware that the entire squad was following her with their rifles aimed at her back.

* * *

**Medbay, _Hyperion_**

The trip to the medbay was depressing. For Sarah, at least. Many of the crew had lost loved ones to the Swarm, and several of the Raiders had died by her hand on Char. Though she understood the crew's hatred for her, it didn't make their thoughts hurt any less. Jim had noticed her hurt expression as they reached the medbay and sighed. Though he had always been convinced there was good in Sarah, convincing his crew would be an uphill battle to say the least. To say nothing of convincing the Protoss that she was their savior...

Once the doctors had collected the samples they needed, they gave the two their space. Sarah watched them leave before speaking. "Jim...maybe they're right..."

"No! The Queen of Blades is dead. Stop blaming yourself for what she did."

"But everything that happened during the past two weeks was of my doing," Sarah muttered depressedly. Without realizing it, she began to show him everything that happened between their separation and his rescue.

When she stopped showing him her memories she looked away from him in shame. She had left out Zerus for the fear that he would never forgive her for contemplating infestation. "Now do you see why I never believed you?" Her voice sounded as though it were about to break. "She's always been a part of me."

Though some of the images had left Raynor slightly stunned, he saw a fundamental difference. "But you killed when you had to rather than out of wanton desire like she did. She might be a part of you, but _you_ are in control, not her..." Raynor's voice trailed off as he realized Sarah was still hiding something from him. _"But why? Why would she hide something from me? Unless...__"_ then it hit him. She _had_ been contemplating re-infestation. A surge of angry and bitter thoughts pushed their way to the forefront of his mind. The nature of some of them even surprised Jim.

Upon reading Jim's thoughts, Sarah turned away from him and began to cry. Jim inwardly kicked himself for his bluntness and put his arms around her to try and comfort Sarah. One of the nurses walked in with the results, but backed out of the room upon seeing what was going on. "Darlin...I'm sorry. You didn't deserve to hear any of that. After all, you didn't go through with it."

Sarah wasn't comforted by the touch and tried to pull herself away from Jim, but the latter held her tightly and she hadn't the heart to try harder. "You didn't know how close I came." she said through her sobs. Though it would probably make Jim even angrier, Sarah showed him what had transpired at the first spawning pool. Even if it made him angrier he deserved the truth.

To her surprise, as soon as she finished showing him the memory, he beamed at her. "You're...not mad at me? But..."

Jim hushed her and explained: "I'm proud of you for rejecting that, Sarah. You forewent all the power in the universe for my sake. I could ask for nothing more from you, and there could be no greater affirmation of your humanity in my eyes. My boys' too, if they saw it."

The sobs slowly stopped as Sarah digested his words. "You're human and beautiful, and I love you," Jim whispered and pulled her next to him, wiping away a tear on her face. Before they got any further, one of the doctors walked in. "Sorry to interrupt, Commander..."

"You're not disrupting anything, doc. How to I look?"

"Except for slight dehydration, you're fine. You can go if you wish, though we want you back here later to run a few more tests to be sure of your health."

"Thanks doc." He turned to Sarah as the doctor left. "You hungry?"

She forced a smile. "I haven't technically eaten for three weeks; you bet I am!" Despite the eagerness in her voice they both knew it was partially falsified, and Sarah remained unwilling to make contact again until they reached the doors. Here Jim paused and looked down at the woman he loved, reflecting how he'd done the same in the Umojan lab weeks earlier. It seemed like a lifetime now, but the only two things that mattered in that moment were still here: a human Sarah Kerrigan and his love for her. Sarah read his thoughts and this time her smile felt natural as she leaned in.

"Hmm, I guess it is just like..." Sarah began as they pulled apart several seconds later.

"...riding a bike," Jim finished with a smile. With no weapons to occupy their hands this time, they found each other and the duo walked out of the medbay in each other's grasp.

As they left, Sarah felt something new stir within her. Forgoing re-infestation hadn't made her a saint or forgiven her past, but for the first time she felt as if she had a chance at redemption. For the first time in three weeks, she felt hope.

Maybe things were going to work out for her after all.

* * *

**Author's note: So, as this is my first _StarCraft_ work, I wasn't sure how I did with regard to the characters. Portraying Reploids that barely got a personality is one thing, but portraying more multi-faceted characters like Raynor and Kerrigan is a completely different matter. One of my primary concerns is that I made Kerrigan out-of-character. With regard to her "toughness", that's about where I want it; the way I set this up was as if there are two warring personalities within her: her dark side and her human side. In _HoTS_ proper we only saw the dark side; it's as if her human side disappeared. So this story is more of a "what if her human side came back and stayed that way" plot.**

**Also, IMO I suck at making non-cliched endings for _StarCraft_, so if you have some suggestions for improvement, please don't hesitate to let me know!**

**Anyhow, please rate and review, I hope you enjoyed this short!**


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